My sales pitch for Tesla cars

If I convinced you, please take me for a ride in your new car

I have done some sales and here is my collection of benefits you are passing up if you don't even consider a Tesla.

I don’t sell cars and I don’t own a Tesla. I drive a gasoline Toyota Sienna. My next car might be a Tesla. Here is my response to the criticisms I read on the web.

Prospective customer, think of how you felt as a technology pioneer entering a new world when you got an iphone before your friends did and along with the phone you got an excellent camera and the internet in your pocket. Your Tesla is one of your internet devices. Laptop, ipad, iphone, watch, car. They all work together. It is a new experience. It is today's version of switching from a horse and buggy to a car. Both have four wheels and buggies still work, but cars have advantages over buggies, right?

You will have quick acceleration when the light turns green. Very quick. You can beat a Corvette. 1000 hp and loads of torque. My customers brag about this all the time.

The sound systems are excellent. Sixteen speakers.

There are cupholders. You will never be thirsty.

An excellent GPS function on a huge screen. You will get to your destination as efficiently as humanly possible.

What you buy today is not what you have tomorrow. Tesla sends software updates to improve the features. You will be delighted over and over as your car gets better and better. Tesla takes care of you for the long run.

You might have to replace the battery you say? Well, today's batteries last for a very long time. Batteries do wear out over time but my customers are finding that this is not an issue that causes them trouble. There are companies who measure battery life and issue battery reports. I know it is going to be hard for people to get this fact into their heads but it is true. Here is the report from Recurrent, kind of like Carfax for batteries. Look up Recurrent on the web. They are tracking tens of thousands of cars and reporting their results to the world. You just watch the gauge and charge it up when it gets low, the way you watch the gas gauge now.

Tell me, how far do you drive on a road trip before you stop to stretch your legs and buy a bag of Doritos? This car will do that easy. Wheel up to the store's charger, plug it in, and head on in to choose your snacks. Jump back in and you are on your way.

Would it help you to never have to stop for gas in the morning because you didn't fill up? I hate it when I have to be late to an appointment because I needed to stop for gas. I hate arriving in a customer's office when I smell like gasoline. The car in your garage can start out with a couple hundred miles of fuel every morning and you will be smelling fresh as a daisy.

You can kill two birds with one stone when you go to the grocery store and charge your car in the parking lot at the same time. You will drive home knowing you will eat like a king and your car has a full belly, too.

You can put any political statement on this car. If you prefer to only put stickers on the glass you are in luck. You have six windows AND a glass roof to work with.

Do you ever have muddy boots from a construction site or sandy clothes from a trip to the beach? The frunk in front has a hard plastic well. You just toss those dirty things in and wipe it clean later.

Do you have a solar photovoltaic system at home. No? You might think about it. Several of my neighbors have them and prices have come way down. You could be driving on sunshine, delivered free to your roof every day!

What's that? You heard they catch fire. Yeah, all cars do that sometimes. Do you have an iphone in your pocket? You already live with lithium batteries every day with no problem. The news people are always looking for stories to alarm you.